Description: In writing we have had to write a story about whatever we wanted. We got to choose what type of story. Our choices were like Diary, Newspaper, Song or Descriptive piece.
I chose diary talking about my life.
Big Idea: Dear Diary
I chose diary talking about my life.
Big Idea: Dear Diary
My mum and dad lived in Wellington New Zealand. My dad had his own Fantastic hair business it was named Furness Hair. My mum worked there too so that was how my parents met.
Then a couple of years passed and then I was born (And I was amazing!) . I know they would have loved me because I was the first born. But a bad thing is they thought I was going to be a BOY.
They were going to name me Ollie but since I was a girl they called me bubba for a while then they thought of Olivia the one name that means Olive Tree.
I had grown to be 1 and a half I guess and then my sister was born at the end of the bed.
Like every other baby I was annoyed That the attention was taken away from me so I decided to say When baby go home for about a month until I realised that she was here to stay.
Then we moved from wellington when I was 4 and I can remember singing kids songs and being piled with towels yes I said it towels.
when we got there I went straight to bed but then I realised the bed was in the car so I slept on the floor. Ok so really the rest of my life was I started school then we moved then we moved again to a stinky house and now we are well remaking it so that brings us to today I am a 10 year old. I do TAEKWONDO and I now live In Palmerston North New Zealand. So that was my life.
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Evaluation: Ok so Georgia I agree with you but I need to say I COULD NOT describe about the towels I do not even know what songs we sang.
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FeedBack/FeedForward: You have done a great job telling me about some of the things in your life. I think that you could still work on adjectives because there wasn't very many descriptive words. For example when you said ...... and being piled with towels yes I said it towels. Instead of saying towels you could of described the towels where they fluffy, where they sulky, where they soft. Georgia :)
Evaluation: Ok so Georgia I agree with you but I need to say I COULD NOT describe about the towels I do not even know what songs we sang.
I enjoyed reading your writing about your life and the way you have added humour to it. Make sure you include your learning goal into the big idea so you can explain to everyone about your learning. I think you could go back and edit this writing to make your word choice more effective and powerful.
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